By Vera Nyajure
Have you ever had a reaction that seemed bigger than the moment? Someone moves too slowly in front of you. A person in authority asks something of you, and irritation rises almost immediately. Someone says something relatively small, but it stays with you for the rest of the day.
Sometimes irritation is simply irritation. We all have moments when we are tired, rushed, or impatient. But when a reaction keeps happening, or when our response seems much larger than what just occurred, it may be worth paying attention. Not because something is necessarily wrong with us, but because our heart may be telling us that something needs attention.
I noticed this in my own life when I began commuting by train again. I would find myself irritated with people. They were moving too slowly, standing in the wrong place, or getting in my way.
Sometimes I really was in a hurry. I had already decided what time I needed to be home, and now everybody was butting up against my timeline. But there were other times when I wasn't in a hurry at all. Someone would simply do a very human thing, and I would feel that irritation rise almost instantly.
Nobody around me knew what was happening inside me. But I knew. So I started talking to the Lord about it. Instead of asking myself, What's wrong with you? Why are you like this? I could simply ask, Lord, what is happening in my heart?
That changes the conversation. Instead of condemning ourselves or immediately trying to fix the behavior, we can pay attention to what God may be bringing to our attention.
Sometimes we have carried something for so long that it simply feels like part of us. I think of knitting or crocheting. Imagine that while you are working, a little piece of glitter or thread gets caught in your yarn. You don't notice it, so you keep going. Eventually it becomes part of what you have made.
Then one day you see it and think, That doesn't belong there.
That is what can happen in our hearts. Something may have entered our story years ago through hurt, rejection, fear, or a conclusion we reached about ourselves or someone else. We carried it forward without realizing it was there, and over time it became woven into the way we saw life.
When the Lord brings our attention to it and we allow Him into that area of our heart, He can begin to bring healing. Then we may suddenly realize, This thing that has felt like part of me was never actually part of who God created me to be.
Our first instinct is often to work on what we can see. If we're impatient, we tell ourselves to be more patient. If we're angry, we work harder at controlling our anger. If we're afraid, we try to make ourselves brave.
There is something appealing about that because it feels manageable. If I can just stop doing this or start doing that, maybe I can get myself under control. And for a while, it may even work.
But when the real issue is in the heart, eventually our own strength reaches its limit. We may be trying to change what we can see without addressing what is happening underneath. It's not our job to heal ourselves. We can't.
But God can.
This is also where we need to be careful. Once we understand that there may be things in the heart that need healing, it is easy to swing from ignoring the heart to constantly examining it, asking ourselves, What else is wrong? Where did that come from? What haven't I dealt with yet?
That isn't freedom either.
I encourage people to become noticers rather than searchers. Go live your life fully, and pay attention to what the Lord highlights. You may find yourself thinking, Wow, I became really angry when that happened. Why did that bother me so much? I keep having this same reaction.
Then bring it to the Lord: Is there something You want to show me about this? You don't have to spend the next three days searching your childhood for an answer. God knows your heart. He knows what needs your attention, and He knows the right time to bring it forward.
One of the things I have seen repeatedly in walking alongside people is that a reaction in the present may be touching something much older. A person may feel unsupported, for example, only to realize that the feeling reaches back to an earlier experience of being alone or overlooked. More often than we realize, the intensity of what we feel today has a much longer history behind it.
When God does show us something, we can simply bring what He reveals back to Him. Maybe He helps us recognize a lie we've believed, a judgment we've made, or a place where forgiveness is needed. We can be honest with Him about what has been in our heart. We can forgive where we need to forgive, repent where repentance is needed, and ask Him what He wants us to know instead.
This is not about saying the right words perfectly. It is about bringing our heart into conversation with the Lord.
People sometimes tell me they are afraid of what they might find. But the things we have buried are often not as buried as we think. If something from the past is still shaping the way we respond, relate to people, or see ourselves, then it is already affecting the present.
The good news is that God is not bringing these things forward because He wants us stuck in our past. He wants us free to live now. He knows what is needed, what we can handle, and when the time is right.
So the next time something rises in you that makes you wonder, Where did that come from? maybe you don't need to condemn yourself or immediately try harder. Pay attention. Bring it to the Lord and let Him show you what He wants you to see, when He wants you to see it.
Your heart may be trying to tell you something. And God already knows exactly what it is.
If this article stirred something in your heart, you may want to spend more time understanding how the experiences of our past can continue shaping the way we respond today. Our book series Transformation of the Inner Man is a foundational Elijah House resource that helps readers recognize what may be happening beneath the surface and bring those places to the Lord for healing.
Continue the journey with Transforming the Inner Man
ABOUT VERA
Vera Nyajure serves as an Elijah House Online School Instructor and is also a pastoral counselor. In her work with Elijah House, she facilitates students through our online courses and walks alongside others in heart-healing prayer.