Some people think forgiveness is two-sided. If the offender hasn’t repented, then there is no need to forgive. But that isn’t what the Bible says.
Forgiveness is for our benefit. Even if the person who hurt us never repents, we still forgive—for our sake. A lack of forgiveness doesn’t hurt the other person the way it hurts us.
Our unforgiveness closes us off to God’s grace in certain ways:
See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many become defiled. (Heb. 12:15 NASB)
Forgiveness is a gift from God that comes only through His grace, while unforgiveness leads to bitterness—in us, not in the other person. Our decision to forgive doesn’t have anything to do with whether or not the offender “deserves” it because they’ve repented:
Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” (Matt. 18:21–22 NKJV)
Any time we talk about forgiveness, we have to remember what it is and what it isn’t. Forgiveness does not mean letting the offender off the hook for what they did wrong, nor does it erase the need for justice.
For some, the thought of forgiving feels like torture. It is right up there with crushing their soul or turning a blind eye to justice, but that isn’t what godly forgiveness does. When we forgive, we set the offense in the hands of the One who enacts vengeance on our behalf (Deut. 32:35). By choosing to forgive, we declare our trust in God to step in and correct the matter. “I know You will take care of this for me.”
So, not only does forgiveness protect our heart, but it also gives God the opportunity to avenge us, whatever that looks like in our situation. And the good news is, we can still forgive even if the offender has not repented.
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