by Sue Frisbie, Elijah House Spiritual Advisor
Several years ago, one of my sons made a decision that wasn’t good for him. I was worried and pondering what I could say to get this particular son to “come to the light” and learn what he needed to learn.
In the middle of my pondering, the Lord suddenly told me, “Stop being the Holy Spirit to _______.” He named the son.
I immediately realized what He meant. I had been trying to convict my son of his sins, but he was a young adult, not a little child of seven or eight. He had grown up, and it was no longer my job to show him where he needed to change.
What an amazing thing, to not be the Holy Spirit to my child. I felt a physical weight lift off my shoulders.
“Lord, what is my job?” I asked. “What do You want me to do?”
“I want you to love him unconditionally,” God replied.
Ever since then, I’ve been learning what it means to love my kids unconditionally. No parent in the world really knows how to do it perfectly, like Jesus does, but we are in the process of learning to love. One part of learning to love our children is laying down the things we thought were important, like trying to keep our adult kids on the straight and narrow. That isn’t our job. It is a huge lesson for moms to stop being the Holy Spirit to their children.
Yes and Amen
When we first start out as moms, we are not who we will be. I could tell you so many stories about the mistakes I made and what I could have done differently, as well as everything I learned from those mistakes. Today I am a totally different person than I was at the beginning. I love and treat my children differently.
In the past I was more afraid, and I prayed a certain way because of my fears. I wondered, “Are my kids going to turn out okay?”
Honestly, some of them haven’t turned out okay yet! But they are on their way, and the promises God made them—and made us as a family—are still yes and amen.
That is true for you and your children as well. You might look at your kids and see all the painful choices they are making, but God’s promises for you and your children are still yes and amen. You get to entrust your kids to the Holy Spirit, who will be faithful to take care of them.
All of us make mistakes as parents, but as long as we are still here, we can love our children into being who they are called to be.
Relief for Mama’s Heart
When our children are little, we train them, but when they are older, we have to leave them in the Holy Spirit’s hands. It’s a hard, hard lesson—but an important one that has a wonderful reward. Trusting the Lord with our kids allows us to enjoy our kids.
My husband and I could write a whole book on what not to do when raising children! I am a more relaxed parent now than I was at the start, and much of my peace comes from knowing the Holy Spirit can lead my children where He wants them to go.
As mothers, we always have hope for our children, because the story isn’t over yet. That is true when our kids are making excellent choices, and it is also true when they are making decisions that frighten us. That’s probably a good reminder right now at the beginning of the school year.
Even when we haven’t been the moms we hoped to be, God is faithful, and His promises for our kids still stand. As we stop trying to be the Holy Spirit to our children but trust Him to lead them to the truth—that is a whole different life.
If you are interested in learning more about the Holy Spirit and families, check out Restoring the Christian Family: A Biblical Guide to Love, Marriage, and Parenting in a Changing World by the Sandfords.